Beginning

The year is rapidly ending and as it does my mind is filled with dreams of a tasty, beautiful garden, Buttons first birthday (holy cow these is only three months left!), and a nice, clean, put together home. Goals and ambitions want to flood me making me anxious, yet already a bit overwhelmed for this coming year; yet, in a good way. For the first time since I got married, it feels like the beginning. I suppose, in a way, it is. Though having a baby was something I have never done before, I had been a nanny before so I was used to caring for children and such... but as Button gets older it feels different. When he was so little there wasn't much but tedious routine after routine and now, everything is new. He is starting to see the world through his own eyes with his own personality and it is beautiful. Everything he touches I want to touch, to see, to relearn in a way. This New Year brings with it so many firsts for us. I want to relish in it; take it in and become new again like my little son. Lives are crazy sometimes but, take the moments you get slowly, feel, touch, learn again. 

Yes, this year is ending so fast but oh the joys that await us this coming season; which, I hope to share with all of you. Together we can begin this chapter a-new. 

Merry and Bright

 Happy holidays everyone! There is more to come but I finally got some more photos edited and had to share even though there is a bit more to be done. I'm just not sure how much time I'll have before Christmas to finish them all so I wanted to make a post now. 

These two men make my world go round. I love how silly they are together. I have a cheesy grin plastered on my face, an ear to ear when I see this photo. It’s not your regular portrait photo but this is the one I cherish most. This is real life and it is beautiful!

 Of course, I had to get at least one with me in it too though. I don't think I take enough photos with me in them. I guess that's because I'm the one behind the camera most of the time.

I gave Button muffins that I made look like cookies and did a whole session with it but I had to take off his Santa hat because it was way too big and kept falling over his heat. Not eyes, heat! Ha. So yeah, I took it off and did some without. I think I like these better anyway since we don't do Santa in our house. Just a personal choice.

Hope you all liked the little preview. I really want to finish the rest but at the moment have way too much on my plate to handle before Christmas is here. I might make another post pre-Christmas but I'm not setting it in stone so we'll see. Whatever the case, Merry Christmas, and May all your days be full of family, love, and joy.

Growing

Today I am working on something I have been looking forward to for a very long time. My first child's first Christmas photo shoots! I can't wait to share with you all the final results but for now I'll leave you with a little teaser because I still have to do a lot of editing and fixing up the house so I can do some more photos as well and some with Button, Darling and myself later today. I'll post all of the Christmas photos on one post once it is all said and done but for now you'll have to be satisfied with just this one.

Darling and I have been discussing some stuff about my business and are finally ready to do some real investment into my job and passion of photography. It's a little daunting because, in part, it’s just so expensive of an investment (we're looking at around $3,000 and then $100 a month for advertisement). A part of me is so ready to step out and have more jobs, take photos, and bring so much joy to other though my art but another part of me knows that things like daycare and babysitting is inevitable when running a full time business and, for me, that is the biggest sacrifice; even more then the money! Waking up to that little face, chasing Button around the house while he giggles, watching him learn to talk and walk. These are the moments I live for and though I am ready to let go a little and take more time to better my life it’s hard to feel like in a way it’s at the cost of bettering his life. Though, I know this isn't true. 

Darling is right when he said that I need this. I am not my child and my child is not me, I see that more and more as he grows and learns and becomes so much more than just my little baby and I know that just because I had a child doesn't mean my life is that child. I am still me; I have dreams and ambitions also and denying me those things because I feel it would benefit my child is both wrong and silly. So I will take in all the moments we have together, all the times we chase each other around the house, I will continue taking photos and being the best house wife and mommy I can; just, as I strive to be the photographer I know is in me and capture those same moments for others. 

I am so excited about this time in our lives, Button is changing and growing in so many ways, Darling is progressing and prospering in his new job and now, so soon will I. Today I'm am editing family photos and making my house a home, tomorrow I take on the world. 

Button's Eighth Month Photo Shoot

This time around I decided to play with making storylines. We just spent the time playing while I snapped away. It worked out great and I still ended up with a few favorites. I have to admit though, that the lighting was a pain in the but to work with this way. And this is why I will never be a studio photographer. ugg. Totally a natural light kind of girl, all the way!

We first sat together and read stories and I let him turn the pages. This is totally how he is all day. He loves to turn pages.... and eat books. ha.

 Then Button discovered mommies lines cap.

 And lastly, he decided exploring was way more fun than sitting around reading and getting his photo taken.

And when all was said and done.... we were both ready for a nice afternoon nap.

Getting In the Mood

 Getting into the holiday mood, I'm finding, is increasingly difficult these days. Not because I am unhappy or unmotivated, it just seems like it is. The snow falls in a big ball of puff out my window, blanketing the cars, yards, and houses in a sheet of fluffy white and a part of me urns to feel... something. I play Christmas music while cleaning the halfway unpacked house the umpteenth time; knowing in the back of my head that that massive pile of folded clothes will very soon be a pile of none folded clothes come tomorrow until the dresser (which is too heavy for me to carry) somehow magically appears in the bedroom. Craft supplies peak out of a box in the dining room begging to be used for tree dressings and card making. I sigh. It's not going to happen. Then a Christmas song I love plays. A smile crosses my face and I dream, briefly, of a decorated house, Buttons first snow day (which is quickly passing), his first family Christmas photo, so on and so on. Then it hits, the overwhelmed feeling of having to do all of those things. The song goes off, I continue picking up toys and loose papers and cut out recipes (another project I'm working on, slowly, and that has been put on hold). I try to shake it "it's December Bethany! Get in the mood!" I tell myself out loud. Nothing. So I stop working, go on Pinterest, look at Christmas ideas. Nothing. Back to work. And so the days go. It's a snow day. Darling is home and I am determined to get in the mood. ‘You are not defeated’ I think to myself. Why is this oh so important moment in my life feeling like just another day. The celebration of our Lord?! I want so bad to make it something wonderful for my son. I know he won’t remember it but that doesn't mean it’s not something for us both to cherish. So why does it feel like I’m just living from day to day. Lights gleam all around, on almost every house, Christmas trees are lit but not our home, not in our house. It’s just another day. But I want more than that. So why can’t I feel “the magic” this time around? This year of all years. My son first.

The snow falls; I pick up the pile of clothes and decide to take them up to our room… maybe they will last longer there. 

All Dressed Up

As promised, here is the photo dump I just HAD to post on my amazingly adorable Button.

For Halloween, he "painted" a pumpkin with dyed yogurt. The photos aren't too great but I'm a sucker for sharing so hope you all enjoy them anyways. It's hard to get a good photo of a squirmy, excited little boy with yogurt, you know.

He really loved playing and painting. I did my best to encourage him to paint the pumpkin which actually helped a lot. Can't say it was easy letting him get so messy but I think it was good for both of us to just jump in and enjoy the moment.

Once Button was done painting he decided it was much more entertaining to try and eat a yogurt covered pumpkin than just the yogurt itself. That's when mommy decided we were done. Ha.

The "paint" didn't dry well on the pumpkin, to be honest. It ended up being all sticky, clear and started to mold rather fast so it got tossed the next day. I'm just glad we had a good time together playing and making a mess and at least it got to sit on the porch for Halloween night. 

After playing in the bath and getting nice and clean again, I got him all dressed up and ready to help mommy hand out candy.

Button actually only stayed up until seven so he only got to hand candy out to two little kids but at least we had a fun time playing with the mirror all dressed up and I made sure to sneak Darling in to Button's room when he got home from work so he could see his foxy little boy.

I can't wait until next year when Button is a little older and we can take him trick or treating. I look at these photos and think ' oh my goodness how times fly'. He's already nine months old! He's been outside the womb for as long as he has been inside it! I can't believe how fast he has grown and changed over these last months. You can rest assured many more little Button photos to come as we take on the world together one adventure after another! Hope you all enjoyed the little treat of adorable babyness to start off your week. 

Too Long Too Short

Holy cow it’s so nice to have internet back. I have missed writing so much. You are too good to me to keep reading this... if you have all this time. What a mess life is right now; in a totally good, scary, crazy, fun, daunting way. Button had his first Halloween and Thanksgiving and I am just itching to photo dump the hecks out of this hear blog. Oh yes, it is super ridiculously late but whatever, it's my blog and I'm one of "those" moms so you can bet your bottom dollar I’m ‘a share them anyways... maybe just a little less to ease the burn. Ha. Anyways, we're in DC now. For the first time in my life, I don't live in Virginia! How did that happen?!

I can't stop thinking how blessed we are to have seen so many diverse places and people and how amazing our lives have been but a part of me urns, no BURNS for a simple life. An old county home with a wraparound porch; children (many children) playing in the yard and garden, chickens chatting away at one another, long days and longer country nights, a fireplace, a house I can truly make my own, a place we can settle in, make memories, and forget about crazy, adventitious days gone by. I burn for a place to create memories from years to years with my baby (and all the babies to come to God willing).

I am not ungrateful for these blessing we have been given. I will take them in; cherish them for some time from now I know it will not be the same. I may never have the opportunity to spend hours at the botanical garden just walking from flower to flower letting Button touch, smell, and learn from each unique plant. I may never be able to again sit on the steps of the reflection pool, staring at our great capital while having lunch with my Darling. Time is fleeting. I know that now more than ever as I watch Button change and grow into his own little person. So recent was it that he was barely the size of my arm; weak, dependent. Now I look at him and see him not my little baby but who he is on his own and the realization that soon, too soon, he will be even more so. I am happy for this in a way yet know that this is it. This is all the time I get. I want to catch these moments like little fireflies and keep then, glowing, in a jar forever. My little pets.  I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings; while I dream of our future and cling to the present. I will share more of our holidays soon my friends. It has been too long and I miss you.