Day By Day

I know that I have been gone for a while. I have so much to catch up on but our little family has been going through some hardships.  We lost our expecting child. I am just taking it one day at a time right now and trying to see the blessing I have each day.

I try to see the world the way my darling Button sees the world; so full of life, adventures, and small joys. Each day is so fresh and new to him and pains are so fleeting. I want to live that way. To find joy in the now and let these pains fly away... but it’s hard. His smile helps remind me of how blessed I am to have such a wonderful son and to be thankful for the child I have now.

I know I can't change the past. Accepting the way things are is probably the hardest part (besides the physical pain I went through). People talk about a miscarriage all the time, how it was hard for them to let go and except things and in a way, it made it easier for me to except that. It's still taking a toll and I'm not sure I'll be emotionally stable for a while, but it has helped. But, one thing I was not prepared for was the physical pain. I had labor. LABOR. Extreme cramping, back labor, feeling of vomiting, birthing the placenta.... labor. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to deal with the pain of birth without seeing my little one at the end of that pain.  I physically felt like I should have my child, my heart didn't just yearn for it, my body did; I wasn't prepared for that. I don't know if that is how most miscarriages happen because no one talks about that. No one tells you it’s like giving birth with empty arms. I feel I need to share that so that maybe it will easy someone else pain. Nothing can truly ease the pain but time and faith but I hope, in a way, that it can enlighten another person and help them not feel as alone.
Taking it one day at a time and holding my sweet Button and Darling helps me see the joy in each day and I know that one of these days it won’t be hard to see a pregnant mother on the street or newborn at the park anymore. One day we will be there ourselves again and have that joy but for now, these are the joys I have. These are the blessings the Lord has given me and I will learn to delight in them and sing "God is good... ALL THE TIME".