Sunday, July 27, 2014

Healing

Summer is in full swing here. I know we are two months away from fall but don't tell my garden that! We have been in busy bee mode the last month just getting into the sprite of caring for our garden and focusing on the future together. It’s such a nice, relaxing, enjoyable thing we can do together as a family. Even Button has gotten in on some "helping" (i.e. picking up dirt and rocks and tossing or dropping them places). During a period of not doing much at all but being on bed rest and pelvic rest fallowing a period of depression the garden took a beating. No water made for wilting herbs and no weeding resulted in a vine burrower problem and over abutments of grass. 
So, we got to weeding. We cut dead plants back, did some much needed surgery on the squash and buried that part to allow for new growth, and started watering daily. We even decided to raise part of the squash vines up onto the fence with a little bit of picture hanging hardware and some careful maneuvering. 
I will have to get photos of how beautiful that looks now.
Our labor is paying off.



I even planted some things in the main bed at last. Though the summer is nearing an end and loss of these flowers will not yield much, I feel hope. We have three squash growing and a cucumber almost ripe. In a way, it’s a relief to see something growing and prospering in our lives... even if it’s just our garden. But, in a way, it’s not just that; our marriage is, our child is learning and growing out there and so is my spirit. Some days it’s hot... really hot and I don't want to go out and water plants... but I do. I do because when I'm out there I feel successful. I feel worthwhile and capable. I go into my garden and know that I can grow things. I can make something beautiful and so the healing begins.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Grieving

I miss writing. I have so much on my heart right now and not enough words to say them. 
We lost our third baby. I was five weeks and 4 days along and not even ready to open up and really tell people we were expecting but my heart is grieving... my body is hurting and grieving... and it will take time. Time to feel again, to not look at my son with longing sad eyes and dream of days that will not be. Two children I will never have missing from our family photos. Two siblings my son will never know or play with. I can't type it. Not now. I can't see though tear stained eyes. But I am not gone. Just grieving.