My C-section was scheduled for nine that morning but I was going to take it all in. I just had to get up right then and start my day. The day I would have my son. The day my life would change forever.
I got out of bed and took the longest shower I had taken in a long time, breathing in the steam deeply and assuming a mountain pose, relaxing myself, and thinking of my son before the long, long days ahead.
Once dressed, I woke up Hubby, again, for him to get up and get ready. A flood of light poured in from the window as I opened the blinds to let in the day. It was so white! Snow blanketed everything in fluffy white. I looked to Hubby "this should be fun" I said sarcastically, looking out the widow and down at the two inches of snow covering the stairs that lead up a hill from our home.
"Are you sure we should be driving a rental car in this"? I ask My Darling. "Well we don't have much of a choice do we", he replied. So, we packed the rental car (because our car died, completely, two days before and we had yet to get a new car) with the three bags, my boppy, the car seat, and stroller and were ready to head out to the hospital.
After an hour we finally got the car out of the snow ridden parking lot. The white roads were packed with snow and all but for a few brave drivers and a hand full of maintenance trucks, they were completely empty. "What a day to have our son, hu" I said to Hubby as he dodged a fallen tree. “he must be some kind of epic if he’s been though all this" He replied.
On the way there we received a call from the hospital. "hello, Ms. Bethany?", "this is she", "yes, I wanted to see where you guys were, the doctor is having trouble with the snow, her driveway is blocked by a fallen tree and said that she will be about an hour late if she gets in at all". Me, "oh wow! Well we are running a bit late too because of the snow, will they still do the procedure if she can't make it?"
The lady on the other line replied, "Of course but it will be with a different doctor if that is alright with you", "I guess it has to be", "and well we will see you soon then". Click.
Once at the hospital Hubby and I settled into the room we would be staying in for the next couple of days. I was so looking forward to a room with the mountain views the nurse had shown us on our tour of the ward. But, the nursing and maternity ward was unusually full and, of course, we ended up with the views of the parking garage and other side of the hospital. I sighed, shrugged it off, and tried to focus on all the mass of information being given to me by nurse after nurse.
Midway through a talk with one of the many nurses, the lights went out. "Oh, that has been happening on and off all day, it will be dim most of the time because of the power outage" she informed me. "Does that mean they will have to delay the procedure?" I asked worriedly.
"No, there is a backup generator that runs things during an outage. That's why there are still lights in the hall, just not as many". 'Wow, that's comforting to know' I though sarcastically.
Anther nurse walked in. “Doctor P. isn't going to make it in. We are going to have doctor T. preform the C-section".
I almost cried. Right then, cried like a big baby in front of my Hubby and two nurses but I bit my tongue.
Why would God do this to me? Why would he put me through all of this? The list of things going wrong just never seemed to end. No birthing center birth, no home birth, a breech, a C-section, a snow storm, no car, no views, a power outage, and now, I would have to have a different doctor to deliver my little one, one that I had only met, briefly, once. I reached out to think of the positive. There must be a reason for all of this! I would have my son today. I will, finally, after tying for ten long months and nine months of pregnancy, have my son no matter the struggles.
A tan skinned, kind eyed nurse walked in. She was the one who was going to give me my spinal block. I was so relived. "Are you ready sweetie?” she asked "I'm nervous" I replied. She was so sweet. It was such a relief to have something good happen in all the manic ordeals.
The walk to the surgical room and meeting with two other nurses that would help with the procedure seemed to fly by. Then, just like that I was sitting on the operating table and things began to slow down. Time seemed to stop for a while as I looked around the room, taking it all in. This is where my son would be born. The first place he would see. It was sterile, cold, and very white.
Bending over, I braced myself on one of the nurses as I prepared for the spinal block. Breathing in deep and slow I closed my eyes as tried my best not to pull away in pain as a sharp, stinging, numbness flowed down my back. I began to shack; partly in fear and partly in pain. "I need you to not pull away now" the nurse informed me. I wanted to so bad, it was instinct, but I resisted as a tier rolled down my cheek.
Another nurse came in the room "there's an emergency with another mother in room ___ do you want to move this one to another room?" she asked the women I was bracing myself on “no" she looked at the other nurse in the room “you go and help, we'll stay here". ‘Great’ I thought ' an emergency with a C-section'. That's when it hit me. That could be me. That could be my C-section and my baby.
Right then I prayed for that mother, I prayed for her little one, I prayed for my little one. I was never so frightened in my life. I was trusting complete strangers with my life, with my Buttons life and my husband’s life!
I had to, there was no other choice. But, I had faith. Faith that God would pull us though this, that the doctors would know what to do, and take care of us. Faith that I would pull though this and see my son and that all would be well. That is what I could hold to, if nothing else, there were still my faith and the sheer, stubborn desire to see my son and make it through this!