Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Birth Story Part Two

How could I tell people that I couldn't care less about how I gave birth? How could I tell them that this wasn't about me missing out on something, but my son? I couldn't even if they did understand; it wouldn't change the fact that this was the way it was going to be. The way that God wanted it. I still don't know why he put me through that; perhaps I never will but I know it was his plane.
So, on March first the Dr. scheduled me in to have a C-section in five days. Five days to prepare emotionally and physically for a completely opposite kind of birth. The nursery still had things to be done on it, the house was a mess, and I hadn't even begun to know what to pack in a hospital bag.
My son was due to arrive on March six and I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down and I was prepared for nothing. But, I knew that at the end of it all I would have my Darling Button and that one way or another God would provide as he has always done in our family. If nothing else, there was that.
Two days before March sixth we finished the nursery (all but a few more leaves on the painted tree, which, by the way, still needs to be done -.-); one day before the sixth my hospital bag was finally packed and ready to go. Things seemed to finally be falling into place.
It was all so strange, planning the arrival date, planning to see our Button. It made me anxious, nervous, and excited all at the same time. A part of me was so ready to see my son yet another part still help on the hope that within a day he would magically decide to turn and this would all be unnecessary and I could bring him into the world on his own time, in a healthier, better way. That entire night that hope and thought kept me awake more than any other. Though out the night I woke to the sudden urge to try “one more time" to turn him via inversion exercises. A part of me felt silly and desperate for clinging on to that desire even though it was the night before my C-section but another part of me knew that if I didn't try, even this late, then I would never forgive myself. I had to know I gave it my all; that I tried even at the very end and that it truly was not my fault.
The next morning at five o'clock, I rolled over and kissed Hubby on the check “we’re going to have our son today" I whispered. He rolled over, mound, and looked at the clock "we're going to have our son today" he repeated, looking back at me with a smile.
My C-section was scheduled for nine that morning but I was going to take it all in. I just had to get up right then and start my day. The day I would have my son. The day my life would change forever.

 I got out of bed and took the longest shower I had taken in a long time, breathing in the steam deeply and assuming a mountain pose, relaxing myself, and thinking of my son before the long, long days ahead.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Birth Story Part One

Often in life things do not go as we plan. God tests us and our faith in many ways that may seem unfair and sometimes we might never know why he puts us though those struggles; but at the end of the day, all we can do is grow from those experiences or live a life regretting those moments.
This is my birth story of my Darling Button.
My appointment for my ECV (external cephalic version) came and went with no avail. Button was still breech and I had just spent the day before trying to not get my hopes up but praying he would turn and trying everything under the sun to turn him without having to go to the doctors and get the ECV done. I had told myself that it was worth it, that the IV (which I had never had before) and medication that would make me feel like I just jumped off the Grand Canyon without a parachute, was all worth it if the procedure worked. That day, I got to the hospital praying one last time he would turn before I had the procedure done, just to avoid the whole thing. Well, he didn't and I went into the hospital room reminding myself that this was all for my son. I was doing this for all the numerous health benefits of a natural birth and how badly I wanted one for the both of us. How, after all, this couldn't possibly be worst then actually giving birth.
So, once I was lying down and medicated, the doctor came in, she then did an ultrasound and made sure... yep, still breached. I was devastated but couldn't help thinking 'at least there is this, at least the ECV might work and he will be turned and all will be well, I can handle this just as long as he turns'. She then proceeded to shove at my abdomen harder than anyone or anything had ever pressed on me in my life. I literally felt like I was being cut open and she was beating me up. It was horrible, yet, there was hope. Hope it would work and it would all be worth it in the end and hope that Button would turn.
Still breached. I began to lose hope but I was NOT giving up. I was going to be just as persistent and stubborn as this little boy until the end! The doctor stopped the version. "Are you okay to try again?” she asked. I had tears starting to run down my face, my legs were propped up and shaking from me tying to resist a fetal position. My hand was grasping Hubbies as hard as I could. I looked at him. He looks so concerned and I could see his question in his eyes, ‘do you want to stop’. “You can stop if you like", he said. I braced myself and took a deep breath "I want to try again" I replied. The doctor quickly continued to shove at my abdomen vigorously, pressing and pushing hard into my womb and onto my little baby. I cried and braced myself. I reached deep within myself to try and find a calmer place, praying to push through the pain and telling myself again and again 'it has to be better than birth. If I can do this, I can do anything'.
Finally, the doctor stopped, "I think I should stop" she said, "It’s hurting you too much and he hasn't even moved an inch".

Tears began flowing more rapidly as if I could hear the next thing coming out of her mouth. A C-section. The only other option. Everything I wanted in a birth, gone. She started to tell me how unsafe it would be to try a natural breech birth and how I was doing the right thing to have a C-section. How it was alright to be upset and feel like I've lost something. All I could think about was all the things I wanted for my son. The birth I wanted for him not me. I thought 'how ridiculous it is that she would feel bad for me and not my son'. I wouldn't be able to have a delayed cord clamping, he wouldn't get immediate skin-to-skin contact or breastfeeding, he would be earlier then his natural timer, he would be brought into this world in a startling, scary way and there was nothing I could do about it. How could I tell people that I couldn't care less about how I gave birth? How could I tell them that this wasn't about me missing out on something, but my son?

Monday, March 4, 2013

Nursery Reveal !

Oh, how exciting it is to finally be done with this room!
I have to say it is by far my favorite room in the house (which isn't really fair considering its only the second finished room)! We had to finish it quickly because our little Button is coming earlier than expected (thanks to his persistence of being in a breached position) so some things still need to be done; mainly just more leaves on the tree that need to be painted. All in all, I'm so pleased with the results and so glad Hubby was willing to do so much in making this room perfect. He painted the stripes on the ceiling all by himself because he didn't want me standing on a chair at 36 weeks pregnant. <3
Okay, enough talking about it... here's the slew of photos for you all. :)

As you can see, we added a rug with lots of texture to bring in some more neutrals and warmth to the room. We also added a floor lamp for some desperately needed lighting. This room has no ceiling light so we had to improvise the lighting and placement of it.
 This is the wall on the left of the crib. We added some cheap DIY'd shelves (all four in the room came to $20 including the brackets, paint and wood!) for some much needed storage and to draw the eyes up to the ceiling. We anchored it with a low bookshelf we snagged at target. I can't wait to fill it up with some more books as Button gets older.

We may or may not spray paint the lamp from gold to blue later down the road. Personally, I think it needs a touch up of gold paint but the Hubby is thinking blue. :P we'll see.
Next to the bookshelves is Button's reading/playing tent.
 After filling it with a DIY'd faux bear skin blanket and some cheap clearance pillows, this spot has quickly become my favorite in the room!
Here is a closer look inside. See the little basket? We filled it with all his board books and age appropriate books that we can change out as he gets older.
  Here is the view from inside the tent. Yeah, so I may have laid in there for like an hour reading baby books and not wanting to move last night. -.-

Across from the crib is the changing area/dresser.
We finally got the mirror mounted to the wall so its baby safe.

The Hubby used latch hooks that he then hooked to a standard wall hook so that it leans but can't actually move much at all.
These are the shelves above the dresser. The basket on this shelve and the ones over the bookshelves hold all our fabric diapers, wipes, and other changing supplies. 
I love this little deer candle holder that I snagged at Goodwill for 50 cents, especially since I've seen a ton of little metal critters like these at antique shoppes going for over $20! 

Here is another shot of the antique stroller that I just had to add... just because.
Hope you all liked the tour and got lots of inspiration. <3
So, what kind of deals have you all come across these days? Anyone else finishing a room two days before a major event!? Yeah, it’s that soon. Yay to procrastination!